Equilibrium By Design

Author: Shien Victoria Zutshi

  • Not Resolutions. Reconstruction.

    Every December 31, the internet fills with declarations: New Year, New Me.
    And by mid-February, 80 to 90 percent of those resolutions collapse. That isn’t because people lack willpower. It’s because resolutions focus on behavior while ignoring identity, nervous system regulation, and environment. Habit science is clear: sustained change sticks when it is anchored to who you are becoming, not what you temporarily force yourself to do.

    This year, I didn’t write resolutions.
    Instead, I wrote two lists:

    1. What I’m still working through from the past.
    2. What I am deliberately building for my future.

    That shift changed everything. It helped me see where I’ve already done deep emotional and strategic work, and where I’m ready to design impact with intention.

    Why reconstruction works better than resolutions

    • It acknowledges truth instead of pretending we start from zero.
    • It integrates the emotional, cognitive, and environmental layers that actually sustain change.
    • It builds self-respect, not self-punishment.
    • It turns goals into a system rather than wishful thinking.

    Neuroscience consistently shows that clarity, structure, and emotional regulation outperform motivation alone. When we know what we’re healing and what we’re building, we move forward with focus instead of chaos.

    The lists that change the trajectory

    Here’s the exact structure I used. Take 20 minutes. Be honest. No performance.

    List One: What I’m Working Through

    • Patterns that drain me
    • People or dynamics that feel misaligned
    • Fears that keep resurfacing
    • Beliefs that no longer serve me
    • Lessons I finally understand

    This list is not self-criticism. It’s data. It tells you where your nervous system is still negotiating survival instead of expansion.

    List Two: What I’m Building

    • Skills that increase independence and optionality
    • Relationships that feel reciprocal and safe
    • Health foundations that keep me sharp
    • Income streams that compound, not consume
    • Creative or intellectual work that feels meaningful
    • Impact I want to be known for

    Now connect both lists. Ask: What systems, habits, and boundaries support the future I’m building, while gently retiring what belongs to the past?

    This is where strategy replaces fantasy.

    If you want a guided structure

    My book, “Anxious and Ambitious: A 90-Day Confidence Reframe,” was written exactly for moments like this. It doesn’t promise overnight transformation. It gives you a nervous-system informed framework to:

    • separate fear from intuition
    • build competence step-by-step
    • reclaim self-trust
    • turn ambition into aligned action instead of burnout

    Readers use it like a daily lab. A place to observe themselves, challenge assumptions, and create structure around growth.

    If this is your season of reconstruction, it will meet you there and walk alongside you.

    Your next step today

    Don’t write resolutions. Write architecture.

    1. Make your two lists.
    2. Circle three items that matter most this quarter.
    3. Design one weekly ritual that supports each item.
    4. Revisit, refine, and keep moving.

    Small, consistent alignment is what creates big visible change later.

    This year, I’m not chasing a new version of myself.
    I’m building the life that the truest version of me can actually stand inside.

    And that feels like the right kind of power.

    If you want tools, prompts, and structure, you can find the book here. If you want conversation around all of this, stay tuned. We’re building spaces where clarity, courage, and community belong together.

  • When Grace Meets Ingenuity: A Return to Abrielle

    Last weekend’s birthday brunch began with stepping out into the bitter cold and a pounding headache but we were determined to festively embrace my favourite season after these last few months. Remember over the last few months, I have been in recovery from the concussion to a now recent diagnosis of Graves Disease and thus, have been relegated to meals from Ubereats or the air fryer alongside outings to medical tests, my GP’s office and subsequent specialist visits and just resting all the while feeling demotivated and a bit railroaded as this year had taken a turn I did not expect.

    So this was the first time where I did not want a big celebration but an intimate birthday brunch experience.

    Barely fifteen minutes after we sat down, with our orders already in the hands of the kitchen, the Sutton Hotel’s fire alarm interrupted service, closing the kitchen before any courses could arrive. In that moment of disappointment, the team’s response was revelatory in how much importance they place on clientele satisfaction.

    Instead of sending us away unsatiated, the team responded by offering freshly baked croissants, cappuccinos, and the chance to sit with the restaurant’s beautiful interior until the situation was resolved. It was thoughtful and gracious, yet we debated where else we could brunch. And we did feel, we had only experienced half of what they wanted to share.

    What they did next turned the whole story into something emblematic of the season. The chef apologized and the restaurant then offered to rebook us for a full dinner experience so we could truly taste what they are creating. And so, we came this past Friday for, what we were surprised, was one of the best meals we have ever had in Toronto

    Dinner that night was deeply resonant with the spirit of gratitude, generosity, and celebration that defines this time of year. Every dish felt like a crafted note in a larger holiday symphony. Highlights from the current menu reveal why the kitchen’s creativity is so compelling. At the helm is Andrés Jaramillo, a Colombian-born chef whose Mediterranean-influenced tasting menus honour seasonal Canadian ingredients while drawing on a global culinary language refined through experience in Michelin-calibre restaurants such as famed chef Patrick Kriss’ Alo.

    Appetizers that Set the Tone for the Holidays
    We began with foie gras nestled atop brioche. Tomato jam, and hazelnut was elevated, rich, and warmly spiced, bringing forward the indulgent depth this season calls for. Paired with a caviar bite topped with crème fraîche and banana for a surprising silkiness, the opening courses felt like an invitation to gather close and savour the moment.

    From the Land: Lamb and Wagyu Steak
    The lamb chops, served with tzatziki, chermoula, and chimichurri, were tender, aromatic, and festive in way that bridged tradition with innovation. Each of the three sauces felt like holiday memories reinvented on the plate. The wagyu steak, beautifully charred and paired with cabbage purée and red wine jus, was rich in flavour yet balanced with restraint—a perfect reflection of celebratory dining without excess.

    Comfort and Nostalgia with a Twist
    The patatas bravas with bravas sauce and garlic aioli brought familiar warmth and spice, a nod to shared plates and convivial conversation. This dish grounded the meal with playful energy, perfect for a holiday table where stories and laughter flow. Abrielle Restaurant Toronto

    A Sweet Finale Worth Remembering
    Dessert felt like the final embrace of the evening. The fall brik, with honey crisp apple, white chocolate ganache, and cocoa bits, transformed autumn into something celebratory and indulgent. A cascading chocolate creation with layered flavours concluded the meal with elegance and joy, the perfect icing on a night that started with unforeseen disruption but ended with an experience we will be grateful for long after the holidays. Abrielle Restaurant Toronto

    What stood out most was not just the technical skill or creative presentations. It was the attention to detail, knowledge, care, and meticulous execution woven through every part of the experience. The fact that the General Manager visited our table numerous times as well Executive Chef Andrés, who emerged from the kitchen to speak to both of us and apologize, was profound. I was thoroughly impressed with the service and the 5-star food.

    From recovering a disrupted birthday brunch to crafting a dinner that captured the holiday spirit of gratitude, community, and generosity, Abrielle made the evening feel both meaningful and exceptional.

    This is what the season of giving should feel like: thoughtful, warm, and designed to be shared. It was an evening where hospitality went beyond service and became something memorable, gracious, and deeply human.

    Here’s to embracing connection and building experiences together.

  • The Death of Self: Why Shedding Old Beliefs Is the Beginning of Becoming Real

    Most people think reinvention is about becoming someone shiny and new.


    In reality, the deepest form of growth comes from letting parts of you die — the outdated identities, inherited expectations, coping strategies, and belief systems that once protected you but now quietly suffocate you.

    This is the death of self.
    This quiet, necessary shedding of elder identities.

    We don’t talk about this enough but the symptoms are everywhere manifesting in

    Burnout.
    Restlessness.
    Dissociation.
    Overachievement.

    A chronic sense of “I’m performing a life that doesn’t feel like mine.”

    And the data supports it:

    • 35 percent of Canadians report burnout
    • Over half of U.S. employees feel depleted (APA, 2023)
    • 44 percent of global workers say they feel “constantly exhausted” (Gallup)

    But burnout is rarely about workload.
    It’s about living inside an identity that has expired.
    It’s the psychological equivalent of wearing a winter coat in the summer and wondering why you can’t breathe. That overwhelm that consumes.

    Identity Breaks Before It Blooms

    Psychologists call these moments Identity Disruption Events — the breakup, the job loss, the immigration move, the health scare, the betrayal, the career pivot, the quiet disappointment you didn’t tell anyone about.

    These events don’t derail your path.
    They expose the truth that the path was never truly yours.

    They force a confrontation with the False Self — the version of you built from:

    • cultural pressure
    • childhood roles
    • perfectionism
    • fear
    • reputation management
    • immigrant guilt
    • survival instincts

    Winnicott, the British psychoanalyst, warned us decades ago:
    If you live too long as your False Self, it will destroy your vitality.

    But here’s the hopeful part:

    When the false self dies, the real self finally breathes.

    The Velveteen Rabbit Principle

    In the classic children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit, there is a rather beautiful page about how a toy becomes Real only after being loved, worn, torn, and softened by experience.

    Real emerges through friction, through being seen, through the courage to stop performing perfection.

    Becoming Real is not glamorous.
    It’s human.
    It’s the moment you say:

    • “This belief doesn’t belong to me.”
    • “This version of me is exhausted.”
    • “This expectation was never mine to carry.”
    • “I am done performing.”

    Growth is not addition.
    It is subtraction.

    Why Authentic Connection is the Catalyst

    The research is clear — from interpersonal neurobiology to polyvagal theory:

    We become who we are through attunement.
    We regulate in the presence of those who see us clearly.
    We grow through the people we observe.

    When you spend time around emotionally grounded, purposeful, self-authored individuals, your nervous system begins to internalize their patterns:

    • clarity
    • stability
    • courage
    • honesty
    • direction

    This is why choosing who you observe is choosing who you become.

    Authentic connection focuses you.
    It stabilizes the mind.
    It gives you identity safety.
    It allows you to experiment with new ways of being without fear.

    If your old identity is dying, you need people around you who won’t try to resurrect it.

    The Neuroscience Behind Shedding

    Letting go of an outdated identity feels like dying because the brain registers unfamiliarity as threat.
    The amygdala fires.
    The body tightens.
    Your system begs you to return to the familiar, even if the familiar is draining you.

    But neuroplasticity shows:

    • 66 days of consistent emotional experience rewires identity
    • identity is not fixed but learned
    • shedding is not losing — it’s reorganizing

    Your brain is capable of becoming Real.
    It simply needs permission.

    Questions to Guide Your Own Shedding

    1. Which version of me is exhausted?
    2. Whose expectations am I still carrying?
    3. What belief am I afraid to let die?
    4. What would “Real” look like for me right now?
    5. Who do I become around people who see me clearly?
    6. What am I holding out of habit, not alignment?

    The truth is:
    You don’t need to reinvent yourself.
    You need to let the false self die.

    The rest of you already knows the way home.

    If this resonated

    My book, Anxious and Ambitious: A 90-Day Confidence Reframe for High Achievers, explores these identity shifts through neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and practical tools for reinvention.

    It’s written for the version of you standing at the edge of who you used to be and finally ready to become Real.

  • The Accident That Rewired My Leadership — And Why It Matters for How You Lead.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about rest and leadership lately.

    After the accident, there was a stretch of time where I found I was questioning myself. My focus, my values, even the part of me that has always led instinctively…. all of it felt muted. It just disorienting. Like someone had turned down the volume on the high-wired frequency I’ve always relied on.

    But distance has a way of sharpening everything.
    I became far more intentional about the rooms I walked into, the people I gave my energy to, and how I shaped the environments I curate. I noticed the difference between spaces that steadied me and spaces that scattered me.

    It reminded me of Sweden. That very specific kind of silence where your thinking becomes clearer because there’s nowhere for the noise to hide. I remember that wide expanse of endless greenery and deafening silence. But sometimes you have to return to an older version of yourself not to go back, but to retrieve the clarity you left there.

    I’ve been quieter publicly because I’ve been rebuilding privately.
    Not the work but the architecture behind it. How to present it to you

    My book comes from this place.
    So does the network I’m building

    Aimed at people who are ambitious, self-aware, and tired of running on urgency instead of intention.

    And here’s the part that matters for anyone who feels like they’re in their own transition:

    If your identity feels like it’s shifting, don’t mistake that for losing momentum. Recalibration is not regression. It’s precision.

    That’s the question I keep sitting with:
    What does leadership look like when it’s grounded, not reactive? When it comes from clarity instead of adrenaline?

    Everything I’m creating now is shaped by that shift.

    If you’re in a similar season, you’re not falling behind.
    You’re repositioning — and it’s going to make everything you build next infinitely stronger.

  • Why High Achievers Lose Their Edge

    And How to Rebuild a Life That Can Actually Hold Your Ambition

    Most high achievers aren’t struggling because they lack talent, discipline, or vision.


    They’re struggling because their life architecture no longer matches the size of their ambition. It is the overwhelming confusion of something feeling not quite right even when it feels like it should be.

    Over the last few years, I’ve noticed the same pattern across my interviews and interactions with entrepreneurs, executives, creatives, educators, and first-generation professionals like myself:

    We are BRILLIANT at carrying the world.

    but
    We are terrible at carrying ourselves.

    We know how to optimize, perform, impress, deliver.
    But we weren’t taught how to regulate our nervous systems, build sustainable confidence, or create structures that protect our energy, attention, and identity.

    So while we are chasing castles in the sky and building dreams, our foundations are shaky. That’s why so many high performers burn out, plateau, or quietly fall apart even while appearing “successful.”

    Here’s the truth:
    Ambition without equilibrium collapses. However, ambition with emotional architecture becomes legacy.

    This is the work I’ve been building inside Equilibrium by Design—a home for driven people who want clarity, calm, and a way to rise without destroying themselves in the process.

    It’s the foundation of my upcoming book,
    Anxious & Ambitious: A 90-Day Confidence Reframe for High Achievers.

    And it’s the backbone of everything I teach:
    • nervous system–aligned success
    • structured leadership without performance
    • confidence built through competence + recovery
    • identity reinvention for professionals in transition
    • rituals that bring your mind and body back into partnership
    • the psychology behind saving, spending, investing, and legacy-building

    If you’re stepping into a season where you want more clarity, more capacity, and more agency over your life, become a part of something bigger.

    I’m building something for people like us: people who think deeply, feel strongly, and refuse to settle.

    Follow along, subscribe, and stay connected.
    Equilibrium by Design is only just beginning.

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